Never Enough–

Two days after saying good-bye to my Rose, I am still picking up the remnants of her visit.  The Christmas stocking presents, the books, the glitter–which is now scattered all thru the house in spite of my efforts to contain it and I think will remain to eternity–  And I miss her so much–  No matter what amount of time we have or how many things we get to do together, it is never ever enough–it is always feeling like she is getting ripped away right in the midst of it and leaving us with jagged, raw edges.

Somehow her leaving brings back all the other leavings we have been thru with her. and with her mom, and now with Fireball–Fireball who is still gone and who I am having less and less hope of having return.  I have been thru coming to terms that I maybe wouldn’t ever become a grandma and once the miracle of Rose was born, I didn’t imagine having to lose her.   Fireball I had greater fears about and now it is a matter of living with the nightmare become real– And all we had with her was a brief few months–

I know in some ways, I am being selfish–I have friends who have had their babes depart for heaven and not spend time on earth–but they know where their babes are–Fireball is for all practical purposes vanished–I struggle with that being allowed by God, when it is a matter of government bureaucracy-

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